Buddy Parenting, The Right Approach


First time when Attu held my hand (he was 2 days old).

“Children are the hope of the Future, the builders of tomorrow.” How often have these words been quoted and requited! And one cannot deny that, in modern times, efforts have also been made to bring children up in the proper way and to them the right education. But most of our efforts have been gropings in the dark. We do not know what a child is. We do not understand him. We are ignorant of his deeper needs and inner movements. We are not aware of the true meaning of education.

Buddy  Parenting

I was brought up in a typical middle-class North Indian family where kids are kids and should remain so – obedient and under the tutelage of the patriarch. Not going into the details, I would say I had issues while growing up and wished for parents who understood me and had a better approach towards parenting.

I was introduced to this concept of buddy parenting during my stay in Auroville. They had a completely different take and approach on parenting which was refreshing and logical. I resolved to bring up my child with such a conscious style of parenting.

Buddy Parenting Starts Even Before You Bring The Child In This World

Yes, it starts with the conscious decision to bring the child into the world. Yes, you want to have a child and you are conscious of the responsibilities and emotionally prepared for it. Prepare yourself. Not just that you are married for a few years, you are financially sound to bear the new costs and it is a societal progression to have a child. NO, these reasons are not enough.

You are conscious, emotionally prepared and happy to welcome the child into the world. That is the ideal preparation.

Parenting During Pregnancy

A lot of people think that just eating well, taking pills on time, seeing the gynaecologist timely is the best duty to towards a healthy pregnancy. Often people forget about the emotional and spiritual growth of the being inside the woman’s womb. And, trust me, that is the most important aspect of parenting that begins from the womb itself.

The power of thought and will to conceive and create a character capable of manifesting an ideal is the real work. And do not say that we have no power to realize such a thing. There are innumerable examples of this very effective but sublime power put to use to get astonishing outputs. Getting too philosophical? Let me give you an example: It is not rare to see a woman who while pregnant had looked and admired a beautiful picture or statue, giving birth to a child after the perfect likeness of that picture. I remember meeting a little girl who resembled less with her parents but more with a famous picture painted by English artist Reynolds. One day, I made a remark to the mother, who immediately exclaimed: “ Indeed, is it not so? You will be interested to know that while I was expecting I ahd a very good reproduction of Reynold’s picture hanging right above my head which was my first and last glance everyday and in my heart hoped that my children be like faces in this picture. You see that I succeeded well!”

Imagine if we can put this into shaping the emotional and conscious being of the child – the wonders it can do.

The Real Parenting Begins After the Child’s Birth

Never make a mistake.

Never lose your temper

Always understand

The 3 Golden rules of buddy parenting.

Leave them. Leave the kids free to blossom. Simply give them the opportunity to see many things, to touch many things, to do as many things as possible. It is great fun. And, above all, don’t try to impose on them what you think you know. Never interfere unless it is absolutely necessary

Never scold them. Always understand and if the child is ready then explain.

They learn by seeing so never make a mistake if you want to bring them up the right way. Don’t be hypocrite and expect your kids to be honest if you use small lies to prevent a situation.

Let the child learn everywhere and always.

Children have everything to learn and that should be their main preoccupation in order to prepare themselves for a useful and productive life.

Instil the love for learning in them and then you don’t need to do anything they will simply learn.

Teach them the importance of work

Assign them small tasks from a very young age. Make them realise the true value of work. Make it an enthusiastic activity. Appreciate them when the task is done.

Keep a positive environment

Children flourish in a positive and happy environment. Make your home a safe haven for them. No fear, no guilt. Keep the approach balanced. Don’t go overboard with anything; not even with parenting.

That’s how I strive to bring up my child. I have my failures and slips but I constantly keep trying, keeping these as parenting benchmarks. As a parent it is important that you lead by intuition.

Give him the right environment to enjoy a khula bachpan and then every moment will be a khushi ka pal.

This story is written for a contest hosted by Kelloggs Chocos in their initiative towards Khuljaye bachpan


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